Day 1

I'm turning 40 in December and while I was perfectly happy with myself in the past, the past year has been rough on me, emotionally. I've always been chubby growing up but I never appreciated my younger body as much as I should have.

Looking back at pictures of my 18 year old self, I kick myself for letting my weight get out of hand during my first pregnancy. I really embraced the eating for 2 myth! While my husband (Erik) has also been as chubby as I am, I took comfort in that fact and stayed the way I was. My second pregnancy really gave me a belly since my son decided to lay sideways and stretch that skin out.

Erik has been going to the gym at least 5-6 days a week and has made such tremendous strides in bulking up and losing weight, that while so proud of him, brought forth a lot of insecurity inside myself. I've really been disliking myself and emotionally eating, also a lot of boredom eating.

Last June, I made a huge personal decision to quit my home based dayhome that I have had for 7 years-which is where a lot of the boredom eating came from-and get an outside job. Now I work part time but my energy is sapped and I eat like complete shit. I own it and I need to stop it, especially since my decisions affect my kids and I want them to have a healthy view of food.

This is the beginning on my journey, it's going to be incredibly difficult. I am my own saboteur and take the easy way out.

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